He Called The Shit Poop!

It's the first all-nighter of the year. I hate them, but have already detailed why I hate them, so I'll lay off. I promised myself, after a particularly bad experience of pulling one last year, that I would never ever pull one again, no matter what, but since then I've pulled a few. Definitely nowhere near the amount that were happening before, but but still have done a few.

It really comes down to me being an extremely unmotivated individual. I always think "Okay, start ___ on ___" then I go to the library and generally don't do anything. Eventually I compromise in my head that if I do ___ on ___ then I should still be fine. I keep compromising until it's the night before I have essentially nothing to show for it. This is all fine and dandy for essays, I mean I can hand them in late. I lose marks and it sucks, but I can hand them in late. This was part of my promise of stopping the all-nighters.

But tomorrow I have my term presentation in my fourth year seminar class. This I cannot do late. I need to have this ready to go by 7pm tomorrow. It's doable. But goddamn is it ever going to suck. Every year I promise myself that I will try harder in school and not sell myself short in my subjects. Every year, I do not do this. I like to think I am not dumb. Not necessarily an extremely intelligent person, but least slightly above average in intelligence. Does this not giving a fuck in school make me dumb though? Is that fundamental action of actually doing everything required in every class an important part in determining how smart you are.

I mean obviously some people are actually geniuses. They can pick up on concepts quickly, have an incredible memory and don't need to do all the work that others do because they actually just don't have to. Most people really need to grind knowledge into their brains, the work (readings if you are a BA, practice problems if you're a Math major, etc.), is given so that you can pick up what's going on in class more easily. So even though there are people who might score lower on a completely out of the blue, cold standardized test than I would, they are probably smarter than me for having the presence of mind to actually do what they are supposed to.

I guess part of it is that I just sort of don't give a shit right now. Well, I give enough of a shit to not fail and want to complete my degree. But not enough of one to complete it with any fanfare. But, I'm sure I will give a shit in about 5 years. Hell, probably less than that. These people clearly recognize that giving a shit is important at this stage and do so.

A lot of people (me included in the past, I try not to do this anymore because I recognize the error in the statement) say things like "Oh, well I'm just as smart as him. He just works harder. Goes home and does like 3 hours of problems." Does that not make that person smarter then? To recognize what will give them the best possible chance of getting a good mark and understanding material and then (I guess logically) give a better chance at an easier life later on? I'm starting to lean towards yes more and more all the time.

I dunno, I swear that band that I'm not in is going to take off any day now...

I hope this doesn't sound too much like an apathetic whiney rant about school, because that's really not what I'm going for.

So, uh, I guess I was talking about this 4th year class at some point?

It's fucking hard. And I mean, classes have been progressively harder since kindergarden. But fuck this class is the biggest jump yet. I usually find myself sitting in the classroom listening to the prof lecturing and have really no idea about half the time. I used to pick up on things pretty quickly and could really get by, but fuck (hahaha, buttfuck) this does not happen here. After the lecture he usually tries to initiate some sort of discussion, but this usually fails. It's always the same 2 or 3 kids that speak, mainly because I think everyone else is as confused as I am? Is it just the prof? In my case, at least, I really don't think so.

This is also why I am worried about this presentation. I do not want to come off as a total moron in front of the class. People got up and gave presentations on postmodern theory-this and dreamstate-that. The only thing running through my head is "Fuck man!"

I'm banking on people not having heard of what I'm talking about, my habit of over-simplifying things to the point where it sounds like I'm talking to Damien in presentations and the hope that the audience has seen Billy Madison to pull this one through for me.

Because if these guys don't have a sense of humour, then this 21 year-old in a Hawaiian shirt explaining how Marcel Duchamp's most famous art piece is like Adam Sandler lighting a bag of dog poo on fire is up shitcreek.

And to think all that time could have been devoted to my presentation. The fuckin' way she goes.

Fuckin' way she goes, boys.