I had a pretty fucking weird day today.
One of my friend's facebook statuses stated that she had been reading her old MSN messenger conversations. I've actually reread mine in the past and was inspired to do the same today after seeing that. When I opened up all my histories one of the first ones I saw was between myself and an ex of mine. I figured that it would make for a nice stroll down memory lane and would give me ample opportunities to laugh at myself. During that time we lived in different cities, so MSN was our main way of talking to each other and usually the conversations would go on for a pretty long time. We weren't together for very long, but continued to talk as much as we did while we were together for a long time afterwards.
To give a frame of reference, the history had all over conversations from just after our break-up to just after the end of the school year.
The thing that struck me most is how fucking depressed I used to get. I know I've mentioned this numerous times on here, how much I used to think everything sucked and how I've now realized that everything rules, but it was very evident while reading all these conversations. I can be pretty reserved about my feelings, but was very open about that stuff to her. As a result of this, I laid it on pretty thick when talking about how shitty I felt. The more I went on, the more I realized that me quoting depressing songs and talking about how down in the dumps I was was really just a cry for attention. I mean, yea I was feeling pretty low, but I was taking every opportunity to draw attention to it, trying to make everybody feel sorry for me.
This made me many things, among them: immature, an asshole and not much of a pleasure to be around.
I always have really enjoyed a good depressing song, definitely still do today. Because of this though, I think I used to put songwriters who where able to throw together a great tear-jerker on a pedestal. I really wanted to be like them, a bleeding-heart artist who isn't the hugest fan of life.
Of course, as I've detailed many times in this blog, I've seen the error in my ways and try appreciate every part of life now. PMA.
At one point a totally spooky coincidence occurred. The girl was a pretty big Brand New fan and we were talking about about how she wanted to name her blog "Deja Entendu". I was listening to The Decay/Wayfarer Decayfarer split EP. This album ended and Deja Entendu started since I had iTunes sorted by album title. At the SAME TIME I was reading that!
What are the odds!
On the plus side, during these conversations I talked about The Arrogant Sons of Bitches album Three Cheers for Disappointment (Sidenote: That's my favourite album ever. It's been that way since the first time I heard it. It's free at that link. Get it.) and the band Lifetime a lot. This inspired me to listen to both and still love the fuck out of them.
It put me in a weird spot emotionally all day. Both because it showed me how different I used to be and big of a role somebody who I rarely talk to now (not because of a bad end, just kind of grew apart I guess) once played in my life.
For somebody who hasn't changed since grade school, I sure do change a lot don't I?
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