God Only Knows Where I'd Be Without You

I meant to write a post, and even had blogger open on my computer, yesterday but forgot to!

:o :o :o

Rebecca and I's summer is getting to a difficult point, where we've both had more time off than we could have imagined and are starting to feel restless and like we should be doing more important things. Being lazy and relaxing starts to feel like a waste of time and we both become convinced that any time in our apartment could be better spent *consults comprehensive mental rolodex* seeing new parts of Montreal and experiencing new things. Since it's now late-August, we'll both turn around in a couple of days and realize that our first two months here were a giant missed opportunity.

I'm aware that the previous paragraph sounds incredibly entitled and that was the point. We're both fortunate to be doing what we're doing now and I think both of us should appreciate the fact we don't have schedules to adhere to. We complain about being overworked all year, and then when we have time off in a beautiful city during a beautiful time of year, we complain about not doing anything. Millennials are we.

I find that there's always an ebb and flow to having time off. At first it's very exciting and you relish it. Then you start to worry about organizing your tasks and fitting them. Then you shut down and default to watching TV. Then things start to come into focus and you can appreciate that everything is okay. At least, that's how it seems to work for me.

The other day, I was having a coffee and reading on our back patio in the morning. It felt nice and I couldn't imagine wanting to do anything else in that moment. I try not to be a hippy, but being present is extremely important and is the key to enjoying things like that. If you can appreciate a small moment in time, it can open up your perspective on many other things.

The end of the summer is a nice time. There's still bright sun every day and we can leave the windows open in the apartment. For whatever reason, I absolutely love the part of the summer where at night you end up still having your shorts on, but put a hoodie over your t-shirt and that's a very sensible outfit. It's only like two weeks at the end of August. Maybe that's my "fall weather".

The reality is that in three months, when we're covered in snow and it takes like 10 friggin' minutes to put on boots and a coat to take the dog out to pee at night and I've just submitted an essay I hate, we'll both think back on our summer without responsibility and how much we miss it. I should try to access that feeling now, rather than putting myself down for doing what I want to. I'll probably never stop beating myself up over small things, but I can try to remember that doing that is pretty selfish and masturbatory and I would be better served to know that I'm doing fine and am not the piece of shit I believe myself to be when I let my mind run around in circles.