It kind of sucks when you realize that you are the cause of all your own problems. It sucks even more when, after realizing this first point, that you haven’t been able to solve these problems. I know I’m being pretty emo, but whatever, this how I feel right now. I always complain, at least to myself, that I can never finish anything. But, seriously, whose fault is that but my own? I complain how when I have school work to do that I can never do or get motivated to do it on time, and then half-ass it three days after it’s due and hand in some crap that I’m better than. Well then I should stop watching videos of Reggie Miller on youtube, and focus on work. That is what my parents are going broke for. I don’t want to sound conceited here, but I like to think that I’m at least pretty smart. If I put any serious effort into something it usually turns out pretty well. I’m fully aware about this but then bitch about me doing a good enough job on something when I finish it. Well if I spent more time research and writing and less beating pokemon red then maybe it’d turn out better.
Sometimes I portray that I’m all about not selling myself short and stuff. I certainly feel that way after I finish listening to a Daggermouth or H2O record. I always tell myself that I’m going to change. This will be the time that I do a good job. It never is. I don’t know why I do this. Handing in crap and half-assing every aspect of my life makes me feel like shit inside. But I still do it every single time. When it comes down to it I just always feel like doing nothing will somehow make me forget about my problems/make them go away. Then when it gets too late, when it’s three days after that essay was due, when I’m asking my parents for money again, I finally get around to doing something. But it’s never enough.
Well here we go, this time I change for the better. I’ll stop dragging my ass and take responsibility for my actions.
Probably not, but at least writing this makes me feel a little better about myself.
“So strike a match, and hope it lasts. Here’s to following your own way.”
I think most people go through that phase in college. You just need to stop beating yourself up, and do what you have to do to get the work done. Procrastination is probably your worst enemy, I did everything at the last minute too, and it's just not worth that disappointment when you KNOW you could have done better. And knowing you can do better is half the battle, now you just have to take those steps. Don't be so hard on yourself duder, we all go through the motions, but i hope you feel better.
ReplyDelete