It Comes Down to Me in the End

One morning, I got on the southbound subway at Spadina Station, as I do every morning on my way to work.. I got on the car at about 8:40 AM, the peak of rush hour. The subway was crowded, with no seats available and many people standing. A thin older black man in a fedora was walking down the middle of the car in my direction and speaking loudly to everyone around me. Having lived in a big city for most of my life, I am used to meeting people like this on public transit regularly.

As me got closer, I realized that the man was preaching to anybody near him. A few of the commuters were visibly uncomfortable, but the man wasn't getting particularly close to any person. He was loud, to be sure, but he also wasn't stopping to talk to anyone in particular. In situations like these, I recognize that nothing I do or say can stop this person from doing what they are doing, so I try to take them in as passively as I can. Around this time, the subway stalled in the tunnel.

As the preacher passed by me spreading the word of God, a young man spoke up and said "Nobody here wants to hear this." The man looked like a caricature of internet-obsessed nerd atheists. The preacher took the man's criticisms in stride and was more than game to engage in a debate, retorting with things like "It's okay my brother, I will pray for you." The young man didn't want to give it up though, saying "Nobody wants to hear this, especially from a shlep like you."

That last response almost made me laugh out loud. A man is confident and shame-free enough to walk through a crowded, confined space speaking to strangers and your gameplan is to come at him with "shlep"? Bro, you gotta rethink your strategy.

The young man was visibly upset with the preacher and they got into a brief argument with each other. The preacher was steadfast in his position that he would pray for the man and would keep spreading his beliefs, while the young man wouldn't budge on telling the guy to shut up. It never got to the point where I thought there would be a confrontation, but it was a little awkward.

The next point is entirely speculation, so please do not take it as fact,but I got the vibe that the young man's attitude was racially motivated. Would he have approached the situation the same if it was an elderly white guy doing this? Given that the rise of the alt-right has been explicitly linked to men just like this guy, I was wagering the answer would be no.

At the height of the argument, the man said that faith would find the young man eventually. A Jamaican woman spoke up saying "Born again! Wash in the blood of Jesus!"

The subway pulled in St. George Station and the young man stormed off to change lines while the old man continued down the car.

Shortly after leaving St. George, the car stopped again and the voice over the P.A. informed riders that there had been a trespasser at track level.

This news made me wonder which of the two people in that argument would care that a person committed suicide that morning. Neckbeard, from my brief impression of him, was probably more concerned about his commute being interrupted. I'm sure the preacher said a prayer for the person. Both actions are empty, but at least one is considerate.

That being said, we're not required to feel empathy when a person we don't know dies. It's nice if we do, but it doesn't solve anything. Really, it makes us feel better about ourselves more than anything else. Is putting yourself first in that scenario selfish? I don't know.

This whole situation was brief, but it's stuck with me since then. It kind of reminds me of the Party Down episode where they cater a Young Republicans party. The other person may be an asshole in some ways, but it's also easy to turn yourself into an even bigger asshole pretty quickly. Just try hard to understand people and context, I guess. That's not easy, but I think it's important.